I'm not in love with you, I'm in extreme desire of you mistaken as love. I'm infatuated with the illusion of me not having to take responsibility for my own happiness as much as I used to because I know you will complement that.
How many times do these magical words "I love you" in respect to people we’ve just met or, that we’ve fallen for, or are our existing partners implies just the contrary?
What if we are really unknowingly saying is "I've given up on myself, and now hold you accountable to make me happy" because of the naturally occurring bodily responses hyphenated through the endorphins, oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine that’s coursing through me when I see you.
There's so much sensationalism and fairy tale-esque conditioning behind what it means to love that it creates unhealthy foundations and boundaries for people to be in an authentic relationship together.
The filter to which we measure people and assess whether our potential partners will be a good match for us is often being drawn together through our doubts, insecurities and selfish needs rather than our vulnerabilities, solidarity and purpose.
Why? Because this is the world we live in. It’s not a subject to speak about. There’s an air of appropriation over the more hierarchical elements that take precedent over identifying whether we are choosing the right partners or not.
We focus on covering our heads and having food on our table, and once these often challenging tasks are completed we’re often too tired to put in effort to develop a deeper understanding about the people we attract into our lives, we then seek out to settle for the easiest delusions that we think make us happy.
I know that sounds harsh but I’m playing devil’s advocate here, bear with me, it’s all in the name of the game, because we’re playing it whether we know it every day.
I believe we've been conditioned to seek out partners with the barometer of a scarce mindset, the main-frame from which we can scan and assess whether a potential partner is the right match often begins from a place of fear rather than love. We then tell that person “I love you” but what we are really saying is, “I love you until the day you leave me, then I won’t love you, I might hate you actually”
Why? Because we’ve paired with this person based on fear and scarcity and fear rather than unconditional love.
Over time the imbalances based on these selections reveal themselves, why? Because we’re not being honest and clear with ourselves and our partners from the very beginning. By not knowing what we value the most, we are creating future roadblocks and misalignments that hinder a successful partnership.
It’s much more difficult to save or salvage something later on then it is to tackle it head on in the very beginning, and be clear about what it is we are actually seeking or what we will and won’t accept, rather than let the holes and mistruths begin to rally themselves into more of a prominent governing factor later on.
The only type of love that exists doesn’t have any clauses, rules, manipulation, agenda or control. It’s unconditional. It’s a fullness that permeates you, it lights up your eyes, softens your belly, it brings an intense gratitude into your life and you know it’s real because whether you are in a relationship or not with this person, the feeling remains.
It takes a yearning for the truth to discover this, if we continue to sweep the dust under the rug it will just create more confusion and pain rather than solace and clarity.
In this reality of unconditional love, our cup is already full, our partner comes across as an additional full cup. We don’t need to drink from their cup, we know it’s there. We know since we’ve filled up our own cup to the top, we can continue to keep refilling it ourselves. That way we can give space for our partner to do whatever they want with their cup, they can drink it or not drink it, take it with them wherever they want. This is freedom. This is solidarity. This is boundless. This is love. Free from constraint, limitation and ego.
Once we begin to embody this full cup approach, we then begin to magnetize this type of love and people into our lives, the type that see us for who we are, and the type that can handle our honesty and truth. We don’t need to try to search for them, we find that they just appear, because we have begun to embody all that we seek.
We begin to understand how the law of the land works. Once we realise we are the love we’ve been seeking, we begin to choose partners not on what we lack but on what qualities are evident that will allow both people to grow and evolve together, rather than siphon or take energy from.
It becomes a true balanced co-creational partnership with boundaries that promote a healthy relationship and a sense of ease even when times get challenging, because you’re both on the same page and in complete understanding of the direction you’re heading in.
So I guess the challenge lies in identifying this with the people we meet early on. Are we choosing our partners out of love or fear, scarcity or abundance, let’s get real behind why we attract who we attract, what our motives are and the direction we head in. It makes life much simpler, and really changes the narrative for what it means to exist.